10. Convince telemarketers, bill collectors, and your annoying ex they got the wrong number 9. Kids won’t be able to decipher your discussions of what Santa’s not bringing them 8. Banish annoying people by pretending to not speak English 7. Now you can lord it over your lesser, monolingual...

1. What’s your favourite vegetable on your new diet? a. Broccoli’s not all that bad when you slather it in paleo-friendly butter. b. Pickles count, right? I like extra pickles. c. Pizza sauce is made from tomatoes and it totally counts. 2. How’s it going at the gym? a....

Where to begin with this one… well, about a year ago I was feeling the need to get back to making some sort of art, having spent the majority of my creative energy in the previous couple years either involved with buying and renovating and decorating my house (plus...

the ever-present bed draped in velvet and faux-furs a wild kingdom for your talents —your real talent?— or perhaps your ever-present need enticing luring tempting innuendo that if the price is right and the time is right in stolen moments you might invite me —or any of a million...

New episode of The Zamo the Destroyer Show: The Lord hath punished Technical Support Monkey with a squirrel infestation in her attic, and it’s going to cost her $500 to solve the problem. Unfortunately, Chimpette is insisting on paying that money to an exterminator instead of paying Zamo to...

Ah, it seems like I just wrote the last Saturday blog… The snow fell, about 5-6” of it at my house, and while it did cover everything, it seems the irises are now emerging from it not that much worse off than before it hit. I expect this is...

10. Crackheads adopt a more cheerful zombie shuffle 9. Yard is filled with mangled stumps where the deer have ruined your spring bulbs 8. Teenagers switch to a fruitier-smelling vape juice 7. Politicians seem somehow bouncier when they lie 6. Instead of unsolicited love advice, insane old cat ladies...

I mentioned in a recent post about having written a new stage play excerpt for my writing portfolio. Then when prepping for yesterday’s Under My Skin podcast, I ended up writing a whole essay about the portfolio and the story of behind the story of the excerpt. Which was...

So, as mentioned/joked about on the first couple episodes of the new Under My Skin podcast, I recently finished John Taylor’s autobiography In the Pleasure Groove: Love, Death, and Duran Duran. Well, let’s have a more fair look than I gave it in the podcast, hmm? (In my defense,...

rhinestones melting in the desert fire the customs of our (lost) nation destroy destroy burn few precious relics saved to rot in a museum that future generations might someday wonder at our grace that we threw away like so much garbage as we defile our history and ourselves...