Top 10 Signs of Spring on Vancouver Island

10. Crackheads adopt a more cheerful zombie shuffle
9. Yard is filled with mangled stumps where the deer have ruined your spring bulbs
8. Teenagers switch to a fruitier-smelling vape juice
7. Politicians seem somehow bouncier when they lie
6. Instead of unsolicited love advice, insane old cat ladies give unsolicited garden advice
5. As the rains peter out, drivers strive to prove they also can’t drive in the sunshine
4. Grow-ops move to outdoor marijuana cultivation
3. Annual global warming panic begins anew
2. Yuppies Subaru drivers replace their snowboard racks with kayak racks
1. All road construction signs add an extra year to their projected completion dates

And a bonus one for the Cowichan Valley: lunatic busybodies stop complaining about distant snowmobile noise, resume complaining about distant racetrack noise