Most Disturbing Things Overheard in Yoga Class

  1. “I know this isn’t Bikram, but I’m stripping down to my undies anyway”!
  2. “Hey baby, wanna do some heavy breathing and downward facing dog for two later at my place?”
  3. “Fuck you, I want the spot in the middle of the room!”
  4. “I like that this company donates 50 cents from every hundred dollar pair of yoga pants sold. It’s my way of helping the less fortunate.”
  5. “Tree pose selfie!”
  6. “Yeah, I left the kids out in the car. I mean, this is Bikram, it’s not that much hotter in the car than in here, they’re fine…”
  7. “Doing the cobra for 3 minutes can boost a man’s testosterone and sexual vitality up to 55%. Ladies, who wants to verify my snake’s virility?”
  8. “Yoga is my second favorite thing to do after dissecting fetuses.”
  9. “The best part of this agni sara ab crunching thing is that it helps you shit better.”
  10. “Welcome to beginner’s yoga! Alright, first let’s do a head stand and kick our legs over into plow, don’t worry if you feel any cracking in your neck, that’s normal for newbies. Soon enough you won’t feel anything!”