If I ever got married

Posted On June 8, 2015

We’re going to Vegas or the courthouse.

No big weddings with relatives we never speak to otherwise.

No poofy dresses, and frankly neither one of us should be wearing white.

No gift registry – I aready have dishes and glasses and a toaster oven.

Bring your own damn beer, folks. I’m not the Liquor Fairy.

No silly unity candles (which are immediately extinguished anyway) or unity sand (which never really unites, just co-exists) or stupid cake toppers to gather dust on the mantel.

No maudlin speeches, just a brief, well, it’s about time, isn’t it?