Tag: Hypotheticals

If I won the lottery

Everyone dreams of winning the lottery, right? Well, at least in my white trash family. Anyway, I thought up a few things I would do if I ever won the lottery: Buy a Lambourghini just because I always wanted one. It’ll have to sit in the front hallway of...

If I only had the time

Things on my to-do list if I ever get around to it: Figure out how my TV remote works Learn to dance, everything from bhangra to ballet Compose an opera based on Ayn Rand’s the Fountainhead Actually read the Fountainhead Read the collected works of Plato Meditate until I...

If I were an anthropology professor

I would order my students to stay home and actually figure out how society works in the real world in their own city before letting them go off to far flung foreign places coming up with crackpot theories that support their fantasies but have no bearing on reality. Also,...

If I ever got married

We’re going to Vegas or the courthouse. No big weddings with relatives we never speak to otherwise. No poofy dresses, and frankly neither one of us should be wearing white. No gift registry – I aready have dishes and glasses and a toaster oven. Bring your own damn beer,...

Hypothetical Naked & Afraid Appearance

If I were somehow conned into going on that show Naked & Afraid, my to-do list would include: Find some flake-able rock like obsidian. Find a bigger rock to bash it with. Smash them together to get razor flakes. Hold razor flakes against the throat of cameraman who follows...