East Van Retard du jour #2

Pull over to answer a text from my friend whose nutso ex was drunk texting her and proving she was right to dump his psycho ass.

Crackhead comes up on my driver’s side, pounds on my window and starts to ask me for money.

I get pissed and yell NO! in an exasperated pissed off tone of voice.

“Hmph! You don’t have to be rude!” he snarls, getting all sniffy and offended.

Rude? You’re the one who pounded on a minding-her-own-damn-business stranger’s car window to demand money, asshole.

Also, fuck you, pal. I just worked a retail shift that ended with scrubbing the toilets in the store’s public washroom after closing. So… if I can suck it up and get a shitty job, so can you.

Or at the very least, get your hustle on and make the move from being a mere crack consumer up to being a crack dealer. Show some initiative.

PS: I know some might point out that based on my podcast and musical tastes, clearly I ought to show more of a soft spot for junkies and will freely spend money on them and their creative outputs. I maintain that I do have a soft spot for junkies, but only if they’re of the cute leggy brunet variety. I will gladly bounce loonies off the asses of adorable junkies, sure. However, apparently cute junkies don’t exist in this city. This ain’t no Los Angeles circa 1987.