Category: Blog

I am so going to Hell when I die

Excerpt from a new stand up bit I just wrote: …Johnny Thunders must have heard that and been pissed he didn’t think of that first. “No, officer, I’m allowed to have those needles. I’m uh, diabetic, yeah.” “Oh? Where’s your insulin?” “Right here in this little baggie.” “That looks...

East Van Retard du jour #2

Pull over to answer a text from my friend whose nutso ex was drunk texting her and proving she was right to dump his psycho ass. Crackhead comes up on my driver’s side, pounds on my window and starts to ask me for money. I get pissed and yell...

Stretching credibility

So last night it was raining and I used that as the jumping off point for this Sunday’s episode of The Zamo the Destroyer Show, all about Zamo using the rain as an excuse for behaving badly yesterday and today. Lo and behold it’s bright and sunny today. So...

So, this burlesque thing is really popular, right?

OK, so podcast listeners will know my rant on burlesque dancers at rock shows (namely, they suck and so does the whole idea). So… At a show right now. First 3 bands done. The MC comes out and tries to hype it up for the burlesque bimbo about to...

East Van Retard du Jour #1

Parked on East 2nd across from the jam space. Get honked and sworn at by some twat in a Car 2 Go: “Why you stopping?” Look, cunt, I know you don’t drive much based on the fact that you’re in a Car 2 Go, but there’s this thing called...

Mistaken Association #1

Just drove by a place called Nirvana Organics. First thing to pop into my head: Kurt Cobain’s scowling mug. Second thing to pop into my head: “I wonder if they sell any free-range heroin.”...

Siri takes a memo #1

So lately I’ve been trying Siri for dictating comedy bits on my iPhone when I’m stuck in traffic. Not sure this is a good idea since Siri usually has no idea what I’m saying. This is one of the better examples: By the way if you ever see one...

Blog: Fun with Customers #1

From a couple days ago… Tuesday: Customer: What are the Seattle Seahawks colours? I’m making a sweater for my grandson and he just loves that team. Me: Uh… pretty sure they’re navy blue, dark green and grey. Customer: (holds on to aqua yarn) So this colour will work for...