The Snow Removal Fairy

I hate snow.

Sigh… Today I woke up to see the neighborhood blanketed in white.


And no visit from either of the local Snow Removal Fairies, of which I have spotted two: one is a dude with a small plow on the front of his ATV who will sometimes drive up and down all the sidewalks in the neighborhood and get ’em all cleared, and the other is a thin woman I spotted once but don’t recognize, pushing a narrow path through the sidewalk snow all along the length of the block early one morning a couple weeks ago (I’ve seen evidence of her work sometimes in previous winters, too.)

Well, Snow Removal Fairy or not, I still gotta do my path and my driveway and clear off my car because I always want my path clear for liability reasons and because I get a steady stream of Amazon and pizza deliveries down the front path, and because I learned the hard way not to say “meh, to Hell with it” in regards to the car and driveway, even if I’m not planning to go anywhere for a few days, because the melt and re-freeze will result in me having to chip through a block of ice to free my car, whilst standing precariously on a skating rink, when the few days is up and I do have to go anywhere.

So I dragged my sorry ass down and suited up around 11:30 in the morning (I would have done so earlier if it was a school day). We had 9-10″ of the heavy wet kind of snow, which I really hate (the fluffy powder kind is a mere nuisance, but this shit is dangerous and must be attended to carefully). Y’know, the kind where it doesn’t want to just be pushed off to the side, so you have to actually pick up and toss every shovelful and it weighs a ton? Fuck that kinda snow.

But it had to be done… even though the forecast says it will warm up this afternoon and rain throughout the evening and overnight and, in theory, wash it all away. The forecast has lied to me enough times over the years that I don’t trust the fucking thing. Especially when it comes to promising rain, though I’ll admit that’s more of a summer “we totally swear it’s gonna rain the day after tomorrow, for real this time” lie. And in any case, the snow was here now.

I opted to trudge through the front garden and start with the path, which isn’t actually very long but even 25 feet feels like forever with this kinda snow pack, then cut a 2′ wide trench on the sidewalk. I remember looking at my neighbor’s unshovelled sidewalk and thinking I really ought to do something about it, because I didn’t know if she was even in town, but wasn’t too sure I’d be able to clear my own shit.

Taking a breather where the sidewalk meets the driveway, I thought I saw a familiar red truck turn onto my street and sure enough, it was my dad. He took over the shovelling while I proceeded to brush off the car and make my salt-sprinkling rounds.

After he took a little breather, he muttered something about how we should do my neighbor’s sidewalk too, and by then I’d recovered a bit from my own so I did a little bit.

In fact, I thought he intended to also do my neighbor’s neighbor’s sidewalk, which was now the only unshovelled one on the block, but he opted to stop at the corner of my neighbor’s driveway and I was kinda fried at that point.

I don’t intend to still be in Canada next winter, but if I am, I think I might break down and spend a few hundred bucks on a small gas powered snow blower. I’d still have to shovel in a few spots, but it would do the bulk of the labour.

And hey, maybe then I could take my own turn being the Snow Removal Fairy.

(Assuming I hauled my ass out of bed early enough in the morning, of course…)