Month: June 2015

Dear La Vie en Rose

Dear La Vie en Rose, Re: your email titled “Fathers Day Gifts He’ll Love!” No, I am not giving my father anything from your store, as you only sell women’s lingerie and he’s not the type to call himself Caitlyn.  And even if he did, isn’t that gift idea...

10 Surprising Facts About Nickelback

10. Their first big hit “How You Remind Me” was originally meant to be a fundraiser song for Alzheimer’s 9. They were originally called Quarterback, except too many people bugged Chad for fantasy football tips, so he changed it. 8. Frontman Chad Kroeger was briefly married to pop singer...

How well do you know world geography?

1. Afghanistan is a. between Pakistan and Iran b. the site of ongoing tribal conflict c. where all the finest heroin comes from 2. China is home to a. one of the longest continuous civilizations in the world b. over a billion people c. the factories where all the...

If I ever got married

We’re going to Vegas or the courthouse. No big weddings with relatives we never speak to otherwise. No poofy dresses, and frankly neither one of us should be wearing white. No gift registry – I aready have dishes and glasses and a toaster oven. Bring your own damn beer,...

The Zamo the Destroyer Show #35

The Zamo the Destroyer Show #35 by Pyra Draculea on Mixcloud This week Zamo complains about Georgie stinking up the kitchen with her tuna fish stink sandwiches. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Georgie finds Zamo’s horde of finders-keepers strawberries and returns them to Mrs. Churchman. So unfair! http://zamothedestroyer.com...

Ten Unexpected Benefits of Global Warming

10. Huge savings on heating costs 9. More short shorts and long legs 8. Slurpees are the new world currency 7. Vegans stop whining as no one wears fur anymore 6. Year-round BBQ season 5. Smug San Franciscans wiped out as city sinks beneath the waves 4. The ice...

Quiz: How green is your thumb?

1. The most popular plants grown in Vancouver gardens are a. Roses b. Strawberries c. Purple kush 2. The best way to water your shrubs is a. from the top with a sprinkler b. from the bottom with a carefully placed hose c. from your drunk boyfriend’s beer-filled bladder...

Hypothetical Naked & Afraid Appearance

If I were somehow conned into going on that show Naked & Afraid, my to-do list would include: Find some flake-able rock like obsidian. Find a bigger rock to bash it with. Smash them together to get razor flakes. Hold razor flakes against the throat of cameraman who follows...